What to Send Someone Who’s Incarcerated — From Someone Who was Once Incarcerated

One of the most common questions we get is “What should I send my loved one while they are incarcerated?” While this answer depends largely on the person, here are a few ideas:

1. Brain Games

Using websites like Student Handouts and Word Game World, you can find hundreds of fun brain games to mail to your incarcerated loved one. Being incarcerated is more boring than you might imagine. Anything to keep our minds busy is a great help. I became a Sudoku master while I was incarcerated.

2. Letters

This is an obvious one, but letters are a treasure in a jail or prison. I still have every letter I received while incarcerated. When they had Mail Call, it felt like a little piece of my traditional Christmas morning. It also helps to know that someone is there for us. If you’re running out of ideas about what to write, here are a few things my family sent me that kept me busy:

A. Business Plan: If you could start a business, what would it be? What’s the name of the business? How would you start it? Would it be online or a physical location?

B. Drawing Game: My family mailed around a comic strip and each of us filled out two of the boxes. By the end, we had a messy, albeit funny, family comic strip.

C. Recipes: I ended making jailhouse cake, nachos, and all kinds of knockoffs from simple recipes my family sent me.

D. Books: Have your loved one write their own book and mail you the pages. This could be a children’s book, short stories, poems, or even a novel. I wrote everyday and the task of writing kept me very occupied. If you want to take the extra step, you could type the pages, then have them professionally bound.

E. Write to your future self: This is an exercise as old as time, but my favorite version is the Glennon Doyle twist. She asks you to imagine your truest, most beautiful life. This gives your person on the inside something to look forward to. Ask questions like: “Where would you like to live?” “In a perfect world, what do you want to do for a living?” “How would you spend your free time?”, and whatever else you can think of.

F. More examples of brain stimulating questions can be found here.

3. Pictures

Photos are a godsend. They keep us in the loop, they keep us sane, they remind us that we are loved. On top of sending pictures of family, friends, and pets, send a few of your loved one during a happy time so incarcerated persons are reminded of what life can be like, even during a grim reality. When I was incarcerated, I had very low self esteem. I hardly looked at the mirror because I hated my appearance and the hell I was living in. My sister sent me a beautiful picture of the two of us and I looked at it every day, multiple times a day. It seems stupid to care about how you look in such a nightmare of a life, but at the end of the day we’re still human.

4. Articles

Access to certain publications is very limited. We only got one newspaper, and there were no TVs. My mom would send me articles that both interested me and took me a while to read. I remember receiving one on the link between creativity and mood disorders. The best articles to send would be heart-warming stories, a little reminded of the good the world has to offer. You can find stories like that here.

5. Postcards

A lot of postcards we see are very beautifully decorated. Sending a loved one a postcard is like sending them a piece of artwork. Items like posters are typically restricted, but it has been proven that looking at art can raise serotonin levels and improve brain function. A few postcards may go a long way.

Advocating for a Loved One while they’re incarcerated can sometimes feel exhausting and scary and lonely. While I was incarcerated, I sometimes forgot to thank my mom for always answering my calls, for sending a letter and an article once or twice a week, for putting money on my books, and for simply being there for me. Instead, I occasionally lashed out because my own fear and anger with my situation would take over. But she didn’t give up, and eventually I was able to show her how incredibly grateful I was and am that she remained present during such a difficult time.

For all of the parents, siblings, significant others, friends, and advocates, thank you for what you’re doing. Thank you for putting money on the phones so we can talk to our home, our piece of the outside world. Thank you for the letters and words of encouragement. Thank you for being there for us. You are appreciated.